People

Well, this is just a random posting of my thoughts of the moment. People are constantly surprising me. Well, MANY people don't know this and I don't know how many people read my blog and will find out, but part of me feels as though I should come out of the closet about a major part of my life. Ok, not THAT kind of coming out of the closet-ha ha. I have been diagnosed with the condition PCOS and well, I don't want to explain it so if you don't know what it is you can google it. It's basically getting the diagnosis of infertility. It's tough. It sucks. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I always thought that the hardest thing for me in my life would be my divorce I went through in 2002. This is tougher.

I have had more up and down feelings about it than I can even try to explain. The reason I have labeled this post people though is because I have had some amazing support. I have had support from people by them just not asking me questions. That sounds weird but this has been such a private matter for us that we really haven't told anyone. I recently opened up to a co-worker and she started crying about it. I was shocked! She felt so sorry for me that she actually cried. I felt so loved in that moment and it made me realize that maybe I really need to start trusting more people with some of my thoughts and feelings. I have another friend that understands how hard it is for me to talk about so she never asks me a thing. I know she cares though and I appreciate her so much for having that depth of understanding. I have another friend who went through something similar and she is amazing. She knows what to say-given the little info I give her, and the right Bible verses to send and she tells me she's praying for me. We have many people praying for us and I think that's the best thing for me to hear. I LOVE the prayers. Frankly, to be completely honest, Troy and I are a bit frustrated with God and we don't know why we are going through this, so the prayers REALLY help. I keep telling myself though that there's a reason for everything and God's timing is perfect. I am trying to live in that but it's HARD when I see a negative preg test month after month.

So, you're probably wondering what are you gonna do about it? Well, that's the part where the understanding of people REALLY comes in handy. That's the part I don't like to talk about. Maybe some day but just not right now. You see, I'm such a dang sensitive person and I get nervous about what comments will be made. We just decided that this part of our lives should be kept between the two of us. I will say that I have read that diet and exercise can help with my kind of issue so I did drastically change my diet and have started exercising about 3 times a week. This sounds easy, but for me it's been SUPER hard. I'm dramatic I know. Let's put it this way, I basically had to give up my favorite things Diet Coke and dessert. Sad, I know. Do I feel better? Ahh, sort of. The best part is that I've lost 5 lbs in 2weeks. That's something to celebrate.:) I can write more about the diet later.

My biggest thing is that I don't want pity. I guess I just want prayers and more prayers. And, if I don't feel like talking about it or if I want to pretend that I don't have this issue in front of me, PLEASE don't be offended. This writing about it might be the best therapy for me-I don't know.

Thanks for reading and for your understanding.