Confessions

Well, I have cheated. I've cheated some but this time really bad. In the past 3 days I have eaten a brownie each day. That's cheating on every level since they contain milk, gluten, and tons of sugar. I made them this past week for Bible study and then they have just been sitting on the kitchen counter staring at me and calling out to me. I gave in. 3 times. I feel pretty guilty especially since I haven't worked out for 2 weeks. What's happening to me?? I WILL work out today and will start fresh with my new eating style.

I was researching PCOS and diet and I guess I really have to focus on eating a whole lot less sugar. I'm thinking that those little dark chocolates are out too. Oh, sad. I haven't had a Diet Coke yet though! Yea! I guess I really should focus on the positive.

On a random note, I had a really great dream last night. I would write about it but I'm guessing it's so much better in my head. The point was that I think I feel love when I receive gifts-you know, from the 5 Love Languages book? Well, I received quite a few gifts in my dream and I was quite happy. I never thought of myself like that though. Interesting! Now I have to break that new info to my husband. :)

Well, I'm off to do The Firm. This is probably going to hurt a little bit! :)

That's Life I Guess

Well, I was thinking... I was sitting in church this morning next to Troy and in front of us was the cutest little baby boy and behind us was another super cute baby boy. I whispered to Troy, "Do you notice all the babies around us?" "Yes," he said. Hmmmm. Then the pastor started up his sermon by informing all of us that his wife just gave birth to their 3rd child-a girl! Now, I know that I am more in tune with pregnant talk and baby talk, but COME ON! Wow, that was a tough one. I kept asking myself, what's the purpose of this? Maybe I look to deep into things but I don't know.

More about the diet thing. I was told to give up gluten, dairy, diet coke, and basically any sugary foods and preservatives. It's tough to actually eat like this! I have had a lot of rice and beans and chicken. The first week was the toughest but now I'm doing ok. The toughest part is being around the temptations, but even that is getting easier. Yea! Surprisingly enough my brother and Jennifer have been really supportive with the whole diet thing. We had my bro over for dinner last night and he brought ingredients for dessert. He made a banana pie all organic and gluten-free. I thought it was so sweet of him. He even ate the quinoa vegetable stew I had made and pretended to like it. No, it actually is pretty good. :)

I guess I don't really know how I feel about the diet changes to help get a baby. I guess I'm willing to try and if I lose a few pounds and get healthier I guess that would be ok too.

People

Well, this is just a random posting of my thoughts of the moment. People are constantly surprising me. Well, MANY people don't know this and I don't know how many people read my blog and will find out, but part of me feels as though I should come out of the closet about a major part of my life. Ok, not THAT kind of coming out of the closet-ha ha. I have been diagnosed with the condition PCOS and well, I don't want to explain it so if you don't know what it is you can google it. It's basically getting the diagnosis of infertility. It's tough. It sucks. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I always thought that the hardest thing for me in my life would be my divorce I went through in 2002. This is tougher.

I have had more up and down feelings about it than I can even try to explain. The reason I have labeled this post people though is because I have had some amazing support. I have had support from people by them just not asking me questions. That sounds weird but this has been such a private matter for us that we really haven't told anyone. I recently opened up to a co-worker and she started crying about it. I was shocked! She felt so sorry for me that she actually cried. I felt so loved in that moment and it made me realize that maybe I really need to start trusting more people with some of my thoughts and feelings. I have another friend that understands how hard it is for me to talk about so she never asks me a thing. I know she cares though and I appreciate her so much for having that depth of understanding. I have another friend who went through something similar and she is amazing. She knows what to say-given the little info I give her, and the right Bible verses to send and she tells me she's praying for me. We have many people praying for us and I think that's the best thing for me to hear. I LOVE the prayers. Frankly, to be completely honest, Troy and I are a bit frustrated with God and we don't know why we are going through this, so the prayers REALLY help. I keep telling myself though that there's a reason for everything and God's timing is perfect. I am trying to live in that but it's HARD when I see a negative preg test month after month.

So, you're probably wondering what are you gonna do about it? Well, that's the part where the understanding of people REALLY comes in handy. That's the part I don't like to talk about. Maybe some day but just not right now. You see, I'm such a dang sensitive person and I get nervous about what comments will be made. We just decided that this part of our lives should be kept between the two of us. I will say that I have read that diet and exercise can help with my kind of issue so I did drastically change my diet and have started exercising about 3 times a week. This sounds easy, but for me it's been SUPER hard. I'm dramatic I know. Let's put it this way, I basically had to give up my favorite things Diet Coke and dessert. Sad, I know. Do I feel better? Ahh, sort of. The best part is that I've lost 5 lbs in 2weeks. That's something to celebrate.:) I can write more about the diet later.

My biggest thing is that I don't want pity. I guess I just want prayers and more prayers. And, if I don't feel like talking about it or if I want to pretend that I don't have this issue in front of me, PLEASE don't be offended. This writing about it might be the best therapy for me-I don't know.

Thanks for reading and for your understanding.

Update

Well, it's been awhile. I don't really have much going on in my life right now and that's ok. I guess I'll give updates then. Troy just got a dog training book so he's trying to teach Cleo how to fetch a frisbee and spin in a circle-not at the same time.:) It might take a while. I have been working out now 3x a week since October and I have steadily gained weight since. Somehow I have to stop eating. I mean really. I have it so wrong because I work out so I eat what I want and that's NOT good. I just want to eat what I want and I have to figure it out that it doesn't work that way. For instance, I worked out on the Wii for about an hour and burned 150 cals doing that. Not a lot but something. Then I had a 8 oz glass of OJ and it was 150 cals so I basically never did the Wii! It was a small glass of OJ too! So sad! It's really depressing so I don't step on the scale anymore. I know some of it is muscle but 5 lbs of it? I wonder.

Work is going ok. Dr. wanted to start taking Delta dental again and they turned him down. He was hoping to generate more business but now he's thinking it wasn't meant to be. I have funny patient stories but would they be a violation of HIPPA? I'm not sure. I'll have to look into that.

Anna and I took the kids to the SPAM museum on Friday. It was a 2.5 hour drive and we were pretty much the only people there. It was pretty fun and goofy. A nice, clean, fun museum for kids. They actually said that they want to go back. Then we went to the MOA for the evening and went on rides and had fun. The kids crashed in the car on the way home. Another fun filled Friday!

Well, I guess that's all. My biggest thing right now is wanting a baby so please send prayers our way-thanks!

Joni Update

Joni's estimated time of departure is Wednesday! She's very excited. Cleo and I went to visit for a couple hours on Friday and Cleo was a hit! I dressed her up in her pumpkin costume and you should have heard those residents! They loved her! She even performed a few tricks for some of them. I went to PT with Joni and it's obvious how much stronger she's getting. She is still getting pretty exhausted from the PT but she says that's getting better too. She had to get to bingo by 2:15 so I headed out then.

Camilia Rose

My mom has worked there forever it seems but I've never been close to a client that was there until now. It's very strange. Anyway...

Joni is doing really well. I went to see her on Thursday and she was in really good spirits. She was so upbeat and positive and happy she's there. She is loving the food, the staff, her room with a view, and all the activities offered. She said that during her physical therapy it's exhausting so she's glad she's there getting the help she needs. It really is a relief that she's doing so well and has such a positive attitude.

Friday she had high blood pressure and high blood sugar so they weren't able to do the morning physical therapy.

Today (Sat.) we stopped in and she's doing ok but I think she wasn't having the best day. We went to her physical therapy with her so she enjoyed that and then we took her outside for some fresh air. I guess her roomie snores! We have to get her some ear plugs! She told us that her sister Kathy and niece Shawn stopped by Thursday and hung out with her for quite awhile. She really enjoyed that. I think the company and phone calls are really whats helping her get through this. She talked about wanting to get home to her gardens. It must be so frustrating to want to do so many things but knowing you can't due to physical limitations. She is ready to be back to normal!

Update

Well, it's been a few days now and Joni is on the mend. It took them a while to control her allergic reaction to whatever medication they gave her. She ended up with a bright red face, redness around her eyes, and a rash under her nose. That is slowly but surely clearing up. Sunday they took her temp and it was high and they discovered that she got E. Coli in her bladder from the foley cathedar they placed in the ER. They thought that she would go home Monday but because of the new infection with her temp they decided to keep her a few more days. The staff there are also experiencing her extremely hard to control blood pressure which hovers around 200 (systolic). That is too high. They are also wanting to control that before she goes home.

There was also another development. My mom recommended that she enter the nursing home where she works in there short stay therapy and rehab program. It is for people just like Joni that are on the mend and just have to get their strength back. She was hesitant at first but after discussing it with her she agreed that it would be the best choice before going home. This is a load off for Troy and I. We like the idea that she is going to a place that will get her up walking and that will teach her exercises that she can do at home.

I didn't talk to the doctor directly but heard through Sandy that Joni can't even get the chills. Her immune system is really low and weak so if she does she has to go straight to the ER. That is a big deal.

Tomorrow Todd will bring her to Camilla Rose and I hope she finds it helpful and worth while.

Scary Day!

Thursday, October 8th

Well, where do I even start? I was home in the afternoon because I had no patients. I was doing laundry and vacuuming when I finally heard the phone. Troy called to let me know that Joni-Troy's mom-was unable to stand up and walk on her own. What???!!! Well, she has a very complex medical history which I won't go into but she was taking a new medication and having this weird side effect from it. She had last taken the medicine at 7:30 am and was unable to walk by 11 am. Anyway, Troy asked if I could call Joni and check on her. I called her and she sounded tired, hungry, and scared. I called Troy back and said that we needed to get over there to get her something to eat and make sure she didn't need to go to the bathroom. It was about 4:15 or so when I got there and Troy was already there in her drive way searching for a key to her house. He couldn't find it so I went to ask Joni if she could try letting us in and she said no that she couldn't walk. Oh boy. So, Troy went to Steve's-his bro's-and got a key and came right back. Well, we got in and asked if she had called the doctor to tell him what was happening. She said yes but he hasn't called back yet. Ok...so we had her call him again and his secretary said that she would have him call us. So, we sat around, had dinner, I cleaned her kitchen, and still no phone call by 8:30 PM. Well, then Joni tried to walk and assisted she could make it to the bathroon but she was still VERY shaky and VERY weak. Troy checked her BP and it was fine. She and I then played cards until about 9:30 when we had her walk again. We thought this muscle weakness was a side effect from the new medication and that since she had taken it so early that it was just starting to wear off. We talked to Sandy-Troy's sister-and she said that she wanted Joni to spend the night at her house. Well, I don't work Friday's so I said that she could just come stay for the night at our house until she gets more stable on her feet. So, we packed up some things and headed to our house. We gave her a cow bell to ring in case she needed anything then it was off to bed.

Friday morning

Troy left at about 7:30 after he helped Joni to the bathroom. I woke up, showered, and went downstairs for breakfast. When I got downstairs Joni was sitting in the rocking chair freezing. She said that she woke up in the middle of the night because she was cold and I asked her why she didn't use her cowbell and she said she didn't want to bother us. I turned the heat up and got her some more blankets. I fixed us up some Cheerios and pears and she came to breakfast. She hardly needed any help up the stairs so I thought that she was on the mend. We ate our breakfast and toward the end she started shaking very noticeably. I asked her what the deal was and she said she was really cold. I turned up the heat again and got her a blanket to put around her shoulders. She then said she wanted to go sit back in the chair so I helped her down and I put my big down comforter over her. She then asked me if I had a hat that she could wear so I went and got her that. She looked pretty funny so I was going to get her picture-she ok'd it-but then she started moaning a bit and I thought this is just crazy. I need to call up that doctor and give him a piece of my mind. Well, I FINALLY got through to him and he sounded like I complete snob, but he helped me so I can't say the bad things about him that I would like to say. He told me that what her side effects were did NOT sound like side effects from that drug. I explained she reacts strangely to most medications and he said that no this sounds different. He said to get her to the ER or regular MD right away. He also told me to take her temp.

I ran upstairs to get the thermometer and took her temp. 104.1 no kidding. I took it again 105.8 no kidding. I told her, "Joni, I need to take you to the ER can you walk to my car?"

J: "Yes, yes, ...yes" She did not make an effort to get up so I told her again.
B: "Joni, I need to get you to the ER. Should I call 911 or can you get to my car?"
J: "Where am I?" (looking dazed and confused)
B: "You're at my house, you need to get to the ER. We need to go now. Can you walk?
J: "Yes, I can." She tries to get up and when she does she pukes all over herself and the blankets. I ran to get a bucket but that was it for the vomitting.
I pause. I can't seem to think straight. I ask her again.
B: "Joni, can you try again to walk to my car?"
J: "Yes, I can. Where is your car?"
B: "It's in the garage. Come on, we have to go now."

I help her back up and we make it to the laundry room and she stops. She's swaying and moaning and she says that she can't walk anymore. I tell her that I have to go get a chair and that she has to hold on to the laundry tub, but she doesn't move. I moved her so that she was leaning on the sink and ran to get the rocking chair-hoping she wouldn't fall. I get her seated, grabbed my purse, and ran out to get the car started. When I got out to my car I realized that I couldn't get her down the garage steps and that I needed help. I called my dad to see if he was still home-sometimes he doesn't go in to the shop until late morning-to see if he could come and help me get her in the car. As soon as he answered the phone I burst into tears! He told me to call 911 because he was already at the shop. So, I called 911 and through my sobbing was able to tell them our address. The guy transferred my call to a lovely woman who was so helpful in calming me down. I told Joni that I called 911 and she said, "OK" almost like, "oh that's nice dear" she still seemed out of it. A couple firemen showed up and then a few minutes later the ambulance. The nice lady stayed on the phone with me until the firemen got there. Luckily, the night before I had gone through all of her meds and made sure they were in their cases so I knew exactly what she was taking. Then they took her off to Mercy hospital. Whoa. When they left I called Todd and Troy to let them know. Todd had called twice while the paramedics were there and Karyn had called twice too. Todd is a worrier so when Joni left I called him first. I told Todd to call Karyn and Troy to call Sandy.

I got to the hospital about 25 minutes later and they were getting a chest x-ray and an EKG. The staff I talked to-not the MD-were thinking it could be pneumonia. In the hospital her temp was 103 so it had gone down. The doctor came in about an hour later and said that she had a severe urinary tract infection. He thought she had probably had it for a few days and explained that sometimes older women just don't know that they have them until they spike a fever. Whoa. Sandy showed up about 20 minutes later and sat with us. It was nice to have her there.

I had an appointment to get to so Sandy stayed with her and I headed out. What a morning! Whoa!

Later that night Sandy told me that the MD had talked to her and said that had she not been brought to the hospital that she would have probably died. Died. Within an hour or so. The infection had gone into her blood which they call sepsis. That is major.

Honestly, I know that all is well and she's safe and sound in the hospital but I feel all this anxiousness about the whole situation. I keep going over all the what if's. What if I wouldn't have called the doctor to give him a piece of my mind? What if I wouldn't have taken her temp? It's so SCARY and FREAKY to me!

Most of all I am so thankful to God! I'm thankful for the doctor for answering my call and I'm thankful to my dad that he told me to call 911. I'm so thankful that my husband's-my sweet husband-mother did not die on my watch. Oh, you all have no idea how thankful I am for that!

Today---Joni had an allergic reaction to an anti-nausea drug and her throat closed up. She was given some Benadryl and is fine now. She's on the mend. She is being given MEGA antibiotics and she's getting rest. I warned the nurse that she gets strange side effects from medications but she said that they have to use this particular antibiotic because it's the best one for sepsis.

Once again-thank God she's ok!

Remembering Grandma Barnes

About 4 and a half years ago my Grandma moved from Lebanon, NH to Little Falls, MN to live with my aunt and uncle. When she 1st moved my aunt and uncle threw her a 85th b-day party and all the family from around the country-NH, CA, WA, and IL-that were able to come showed up to help celebrate. It was an unsaid thing, but everyone made such an effort because my aunt didn't think she was doing so well. Well, she proved everyone wrong, and in the meantime I was able to really get to know her. She was the more distant Grandma spending the majority of her time with her daughters and their families. So when she moved 1 1/2 hours away from me I decided to make the effort to go visit her about once a month.

When I first started going up there she would be sitting at her card table in front of the huge windows overlooking the river working on a puzzle. We would sometimes work on the puzzle together, but most of the time we would just talk. Many times I would go up there with my dad and it was always a double bonus for me. To talk to my dad all the way up, then talk to my grandma, and then listen to the stories they would tell each other about the past was always a real treat. My Aunt Sue would sometimes join us but most of the time she wanted to give us the time to talk to Grandma. Sometimes we would play Skipbo and she loved Skipbo. She especially loved to get rid of the cards in her hand so she could draw 5 more which isn't the object of the game but you couldn't tell her that! She was surprisingly competitive and she loved to win. She also liked to remind us that "there will be no cheaters in heaven." Grandma would love our company for an hour or two and then she needed to rest.

It went on like this for a few years. Then when we would go up there she would be sitting at the kitchen table in "her chair". My dad would sometimes bring sweets up and she always had to have a little something with her coffee. We would sit at the table and talk. We talked about family and good times. I realized that a lot of the times we would be on the same wavelength. She LOVED to talk about God and she spoke frequently about the importance of having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It was always a huge part of her thought process-worrying about the salvation of her family. She prayed tons for family. She talked about Jesus dying on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins and she said that sometimes the magnitude of that would just hit you and a light bulb would go off and you would understand it's significance. My dad would bring her Bible studies and she would have them done by our next visit. One time I brought up a book for her to read called The Relentless Love of Jesus and she told me that one night she was having difficulty sleeping due to anxiety and she read the whole book and it calmed her down.

Sometime Grandma would sit down at the piano Sue and Mick got her and she would play. She was always saying that it didn't sound good but I always thought her playing sounded wonderful. She was an excellent piano player and could play by ear. When she was young she played piano in a band called the Nielson Victorians. I loved those moments when she would sit down at the piano and I have many memories listening to her play as a kid. Music was a huge part of her life and it is for me as well. She was always asking me about my singing and if I was doing anything with it. It was always hard to tell her I wasn't doing anything about it. A couple of times my dad had a local musician come play for her. He would play oldies and old country tunes and gospel hymns that she knew. She would just sit back and take it all in.

One Saturday I went up there just me and we sat and talked for 9 hours. 9 hours! That was huge! I couldn't believe my good fortune! We talked about family, my grandpa, God, life, everything. At the time I was single and Grandma talked about how good it would be for me to get married some day. She didn't want me to end up alone. I called my dad after that long visit and told him what a gift from God that whole day was and that I hoped I would remember things we talked about and advice she gave. I remember not wanting to wear her out so I would try to leave but she just kept talking so I stayed until I had to leave!

She loved dogs too. Yet another thing we had in common. Sadie was always with her during the day and it seemed like that dog understood everything my Grandma would say to her. It was pretty cute. Sadie was always near Grandma. Of course part of that could be because Grandma shared all her meals with Sadie. :)

I was so fortunate and blessed to have her at my wedding. It was her last outing. It was a beautiful coincidence that we scheduled our wedding near the State Fair. My aunts and uncle made a HUGE effort to get grandma to the fair and to our wedding and I'm grateful for that. After all the hoopla and excitement from the fair and the wedding my grandma went on oxygen at night and my aunt got her a hospital bed. Unfortunately she didn't like the bed she prefered the recliner. My mom had convinced her at the wedding that using oxygen was an ok thing to do and my grandma started using it at night. One day when my dad and I went for a visit she said she was really glad to see us because she felt like she was going to die the day before. She had walked to the kitchen and got so winded she experienced chest pains. She made it back to her oxygen and felt better but she wasn't going anywhere without her oxygen again. Sue and Mick got her set up with some long tubing so she could get where she needed to go in the house with her oxygen on.

After that episode she was almost always in her room sitting in her recliner with Sadie right by her feet. Every so often she would get up and sit in the kitchen but it happened less and less. We still had great conversations about life and faith, but they started to drastically change in the past 1 1/2 years. She started talking about her death. It was very difficult to hear about at first but it became such a common part of our conversation I just got used to it. One day I even told her to enjoy each day to the fullest but it didn't go over too well. She was so ready to go see Jesus. Frequently she wondered why she was still here and she talked about how her soul must not be ready for heaven. She wondered if maybe she had more to learn. She was always trying to figure out what God was trying to teach her and tell her. She talked about how much she loved the 23rd Psalm. She would frequently quote it to me.

Grandma always remembered everyone's b-day AND anniversaries. It was a BIG feat because she has 6 kids, 20 something grandkids, and 20 something great-grandkids. She felt terrible about not being able to keep up with all the card sending. It just got to be too much work for her. She said she would say prayers for people instead. That was a tough one for her though so she ended up calling up her kids on their b-days and singing to them with Sue helping. That made Grandma feel better.

Grandma loved to laugh. She was always laughing. One time I drove up with my dad and all my aunts and my dad and uncle Bill were there and they all told stories. I tried to just sit back and listen. How fun that was! They laughed and laughed telling stories from the good ole days. She loved her kids so much! They teased her a bit telling her that KFC was made out of seagulls. Ha ha.

The last time I went to visit her she was all out of sorts worrying about her sister June who just had a stroke. I got her some lunch and we talked. After a bit I asked her what she was looking forward to when she got to heaven. She thought for a minute and said, "a beer. A beer and a braut. And if they have that one game I love to play at the casino..." I started laughing because here I was thinking she would say something about seeing her mom! I said, "so, you want there to be drinking and gambling in heaven?" She said, "well, just one beer. And I'd like there to be lots of animals. No wine though, I don't care for wine." Oh, what a fun memory! One that I won't forget anyway!

I'm sure memories will come back to me over the years but some things I'll never forget are listening to her talk about God and realizing how much we had in common. I always had a great time visiting her and I will miss that lots.

Love you Grandma!

Wow-What Happened?

It seems very strange that it's been so long since I've posted anything on this blog. There is always a running journal going through my head but I just haven't been writing it out in my own journal or on this blog. Some thoughts are way too personal and some thoughts I just figure no one else cares to know.

I used to keep a journal in high school. I would have a bunch of random thoughts all the time and would need to get them down on paper. One day a very good friend of mine-Andrea-gave me a fancy notebook as a gift. She said she noticed how I was always writing and wanted to support me in that. I thought it was very observant and kind of her. Then one day we had a writing assignment for my English class and it was 10 journal entries. Well, the teacher really made me nervous. She was the type of teacher that was so tough she just scared the bajeepers out of you. I remember on another assignment I felt so lucky to have Alicia writing with me because I knew she was way smarter than me. Anyway, I of course procrastinated on the journal entry assignment until the last minute when I decided to just turn in entries from my fancy notebook. I just knew she was going to hand them back (which she frequently did to students) to try again. She didn't. She actually gave me an A++ on them and said they were very insightful. Ha! I almost fell over! I could not believe my luck. Later on in my life I ran into this very teacher at a wedding. I tried to avoid her because I was still feeling intimidated by her but she found me! I asked her if she remembered me and she said "Of course, I always remember the very good and the very bad students" I thought to myself CRAP! But I did ask her which one I was and she said, "Oh, very good!" Then I said, "ME????" In utter disbelief. I couldn't believe it. Did she remember the journal entries or was it other things like the group projects? I guess I owe Alicia a big thank you!

Speaking of teachers...I ran into my old Algebra teacher a few weeks ago at a Beth Moore Bible study about "Loving Well". My mom invited me to go to this study with her because she knows how much I love Beth Moore. Side note: You get 50 or so women in a room together talking about love and there are buckets of tears! Anyway, I found myself at a table with Ms. Dietrich. Ms. Dietrich was a very scary, tough as nails woman whose legs swished together when she walked. I can still hear her walking around the classroom making sure people were doing their work. She frequently sent kids to the hall for a time out or whatever it was and then she would go out there and talk to them and we would all sit inside and try to hear what she was saying. I was so intimidated by her and was always nervous when she swished by wondering if I was doing something wrong. Anyway, here she was sitting in my small group at a "Loving Well" Bible study talking about LOVING! I couldn't believe it and I thanked God many times that I had never done anything to this woman like put a whoopee cushion on her chair, etc. My mom actually asked her-"So, do you remember Beth?" I was mortified. She said "Yes, she was a very good student" And I said, "I was horrible at Math!" Anyway, she remembered me too. Man, I guess I've always been way too hard on myself. It turns out that Ms. Dietrich (I get to call her Judy now) is a nice, normal person who really isn't scary at all. Who knew?

Can You Say Engineer?

Over MEA I went with the Aragon's to Omaha, Nebraska. It was my idea to go so maybe I should say they went with me but who cares it was fun! Anyway, I didn't realize there was so much about trains in Omaha! We went to see some huge train engines perched on a hill that is a tribute to the railroad system that started there. Well, some people would think that those engines were pretty darn cool but Jonah found something a bit more fascinating. On the wall heading up to the train engines he saw a picture that he said I just had to take for him. Ok, I said show me which one. When he showed me I just thought-that is SO Jonah! He said, "I just like that and I don't know why!" How cute.

There Are Angels Among Us

On Halloween Anna, Elena, Kenan, Cleo, and I went to Camillia Rose with costumes on to go see mom and the rest of the folks. Well, the kids and the dog were dressed up anyway. Kenan was not too happy in his pumpkin suit, but Elena was all smiles as Tinkerbell. They were so adorable. I dressed Cleo up in a pumpkin costume and we made our way around. The people there were all smiles as we walked through there. Some people thoroughly enjoyed the kids and some were just thrilled to see Cleo dressed up-it was so very sweet. One lady stopped me and said, "Oh, I just love dogs!" Cleo went over to her and licked her fingers and let her pat her on the head. People sure got a kick out of us walking around there! When we got up to the third floor I remembered I had a patient that I used to see that now has severe alzheimers that lives at Camillia Rose. I went over to her and she was just blank. I looked around me and all the people in the room had blank expressions, were mumbling, or just vacant. It was very depressing. It's scary to think that some people end up like that. Then I looked around me at all the employees, including my mom, that love these people, take care of them, and give them their best. Thank God for these angels among us.

After my time at the "home" I went to Woodcrest Elementary to help my friend Mel in her first grade class. I didn't count but I believe she has around 30 first graders and of those 30 I believe she said 20 need a little extra help. Wow. Talk about overwhelming. I don't know how she does it! I sat there for a while in her class and had the thought again- these teachers are angels among us. She takes 30 squirrelly kids from a variety of different ethnicities, languages, and temperments and has to teach them all how to count, their ABC's, and all the basics. She has to figure out how to keep the "top" kids interested and the "bottom" kids caught up. What an amazing job she is doing! Go Mel!

Ahhhh... Childhood

Well, tonight Troy and I went over to the Aragon's for dinner. When we got there we were informed that we would also be celebrating the birthday's of Skippito, Storm Trooper, and Puppy Baby. These are Jaron's special stuffed animals. Apparently Puppy Baby is 4 today. Jonah asked him how that could be when we celebrated his 15th birthday last year but Jaron just shrugged. :) Jaron said that we had to sing happy birthday to them and they had to blow out their candles. Anna had bought some churros at Costco to go along with the b-day cookies-what a mom considering Skippito is a Chihuahua. Before we sang Jaron went to find the b-day animals and couldn't find them! Jonah promptly made a sign that said MISSING: Skippito, Storm Trooper, and Puppy Baby and set it on the table. Meanwhile Jaron and Anna looked everywhere and eventually found them downstairs. So, we sang and had treats. I don't think I've ever sang happy birthday to stuffed animals but there's a first for everything. Next, we got gift bags that my sister helped assemble and we went over to watch the animals open their gifts(treasures from the bedrooms upstairs). Then it was time to go on a ride which was sliding down the stairs in a sleeping bag. Jaron said that an adult "had to do it" so I gave it a try. Not so fun as an adult! Then the party was over. It was fascinating how much kids retain when it comes to certain things. He remembered every part to a birthday party. So cute.

House: Well, we have decided to stay in this house considering the market. We are feeling pretty good about it. I cleaned and worked ALL day and I feel that it's presentable now. FINALLY!

Joni is in the hospital for pneumonia so please keep her in your prayers!

I finished the book The Secret Life of Bees for the 2nd time so I'm all set to see the movie-yea!

That's all for now. Have a great week!

Grandma Barnes

On Friday my sister and I went up to Little Falls to visit our grandma and of course Mick and Sue. It was a great visit but it's getting tough. She is now almost full time in her lazy boy chair and almost always has her oxygen on. She doesn't feel the greatest. We stayed there about 3 hours and chatted the whole time. She is very open and honest about how she feels about death and dying and very sure about the funeral arrangements and such. I told her it seemed strange to talk about her death and she just said that it's all a part of life and that just as it takes time to prepare for a birth it takes time to prepare for death. It's sad. She also said that she's ready to go-like I said previously in a different blog-and she doesn't know why she's here and that there must me something still wrong with her soul. Something that God still has to make right in order to prepare her for the kingdom. She also said that she will keep reading and keep learning until her time comes. My sister spoke the exact words that I was wanting to say when she said that "maybe you're here for other people" I also said that it has been so great for me to get to know her so much better these past years because for so long she was in NH or CA. I feel that God has blessed me so much with the time I've been given to spend with my grandma. She is truly a servant of Christ, loves Him, and wants the world-especially her family to know and love Christ as she does. She loves to tell me almost every time I see her about how Christ has forgiven all our sins, how much He loves us, and how much He desires a personal relationship with us. She tells me this EVERY time I visit her and I NEVER get tired of hearing it. What I wonder about my grandma is if she realizes just how much I love her and admire her.

Seeing Eye...What?

Troy and I went to my sister's for dinner-thanks Anna-and she told us a funny Jaron story. She really should have a blog page simply for the crazy things he says-but anyway. So, I guess there's a blind kid at his school and he was asking Anna all about it. He was asking if it hurt to be blind and also how blind people could see. Well, Anna explained that sometimes people have seeing eye dogs that help them cross streets, etc. Jaron thought about this for a while and said, "I wonder if there are seeing eye ducks because ducks look both ways before they cross the street." Oh Jaron.

My other favorite Jaron story is when he was doing his homework and the assignment was to write down a question, or something he wonders about. He asked, "Where does fart gas come from and why do I have so much of it?"

Oh the crazy things kids say!

Rainy Sunday

Hello my friends! I have been horrible at updating this and it's been even tougher now that I have a facebook page. Now THAT is addicting! I have mixed feelings about it, but it is fun to catch up with some people I haven't heard from since high school. Then again I think, well, aren't I already in contact with the people that truly care about me? I don't know? It's always fun to have more friends! One can never have enough right?

Updates

Wedding: It was a beautiful day! I felt truly blessed and that the Lord was present for our special day. I surprised Troy by having a recording of a song for him and I was told he got teary-YEA! That was truly a stealth operation because he always seems to know what's going on. I recorded the song "I Will Be There" at a patients house with my friend Melissa playing the piano-thanks Mel! He has a whole recording studio in his basement and he said to just come over any time and we could record it. NICE! So, after Bible study one Monday, Mel and I went to his house and we got right to work. I had never done this thing before but Mel was a pro (she has CD's out with her group called 3PETE) and we completed it in a half hour. It was hard for me to get used to hearing myself that way but after the first take Mel said it sounded good and that it COULD only get worse trying it again and again so we left it at that. I then brought the CD over to my mom's and she was sworn to secrecy. She held onto it til the wedding! Anyway, it all worked out-whew! The wedding was perfect. The weather was awesome and I felt very good about everything. I was very excited my Grandma was able to be there-thanks Whites-and Barb-and that the few family members of mine that could be there were there. I was also so thankful for my sister and Molly who were right there for me the whole day-we had a good time. Abi came up a week early to help and it was like Troy and I had a personal assistant she really helped keep us sane-thanks Abi! Oh see now I'm getting into thank you's and there's just too many people to thank-you'll all have to wait for your thank you's in the mail!:)


Honeymoon: Hawaii was BEAUTIFUL! We had a blast! Highlights were: Sunset at the crater in Maui, Warren and Annabelle's Magic show in Maui, all the beaches, snorkeling, hikes, and the helicopter tour of Kauai-whoa that was fun and scary! We also enjoyed the wildlife-the monk seal, frogs, and chickens-ha ha!

Married Life: I'm still going through things and trying to get settled. The cats have finally adjusted and have even made themselves useful by catching a mouse. Cleo has longer days alone but she has a whole laundry room instead of a kennel so I think she's happy about that. Well, I think that's all for now.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Well, I'm all moved in-yeah right! My stuff is all here and I'm trying to get it somewhat situated. Moving day went well yesterday thanks to some powerhouse lifters-thanks go out to my neighbors Stephanie and Jake, Jake, Paul, Joe, Dan, Troy, Joni, Mom, Dad, and of course the many moving days with my sister Anna and her 4 kids. Many thanks for all the help! I'm here in Troy's beautiful house and feel really good about it all.

My closing is tomorrow. Good-bye 2530! It was real.

Moving Day!

I can't believe it is finally happening. It's like a dream and a nightmare all at the same time. I am moving out of my house tomorrow. The house that I have loved for the past 8 years. My first house ever! The house I was able to afford as a newly single lady and the house that had a great yard for the dogs and was easy to clean in about an hour. The house that took A TON of work and that I (with the help of many others) put A TON of work into. The remodel, the painting, the landscaping-oh my! And now it's all over. On to a new chapter. On to a much more beautiful and bigger home. On to a home with a much more manageable yard and a home with THREE bathrooms-hurray! On to a home with the biggest bedroom and attached bathroom-I've never had that-oh, and a walk-in closet! Exciting! I'm excited for the time when all my stuff is where it fits and it feels like our home and not Troy's home. I'm excited to walk Cleo around a new neighborhood, down to the lake, and to take the kids to the nearby park. Life now feels in fast forward. It was rolling along at a steady pace and then WHAM-it's full speed ahead-WHOA! It's going to be an exciting ride.

Well, well, well

House: Well, my house has sold as I've already said before-praise the Lord-BUT now I have to get a few things sorted out according to the inspectors. I have to have the well sealed(I didn't even know there was one on the property), the furnace inspected and cleaned, and some outlets changed out. I guess not too bad-except for the well deal.

Wedding: Plans are coming along quite nicely. I had my dress fitting on Friday and that went well, picked out our guestbook, and did some shopping for other things. It's a lot to think about but Troy is a BIG help!

Other misc: My niece and nephews slept over last weekend and we had a blast. Those kids are so much fun! It was the last sleepover at Aunt Beth's and they are all sad. Some things that I didn't know were tradition for them at my house but are is reading Molly Lou Melon, and Walter the Farting Dog. Jonah also LOVES to listen to my IPOD and his favorite song is Otto Titsling. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it so I've never said he can't listen to it but I was looking at the music plays and he's listened to it about 40 times! I wonder when he'll start singing it around the house. Ha ha! Just Jonah and Jaron slept over Sat. night and on the way to some awesome fireworks Jaron said, "I know a rule that can never be broken!"
Aunt Beth, "What is that?"
Jaron, "You must always love God."
Aunt Beth, "Yes, that's true, what made you think of that?"
Jaron, "My brain just told me that."
Ha ha-those kiddos are cuties!

My dad turns 60 tomorrow so we had a party to celebrate on Sat and it was a nice turn out despite the weather.

My Grandma turned 88 and my dad and I went to see her last Tuesday and my dad hired a guitarist to sing and play old songs for her. It was GREAT! A sad part was that he sang "I'll Fly Away" and I overheard my Grandma say to the guitarists wife, "Oh, I just had a dream about this and it was so exciting and wonderful" Verna Barnes is ready to meet her maker. She is excited to see Jesus face to face. I gently reminded her before we left that we love her and while she's here she should try to make the best of every day. That was my incredibly selfish way of saying-I want you to come to my wedding!!! She is one amazing lady whom I have loved to get to know so much better over the past few years. Praise God!

Enough for now. Peace!

Is Anyone Out There??

Does anyone read this blog? Just wondering! :)